


I'm Just Gonna Leave This Here

by Rootallica615



Category: Haikyuu!!, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Always Sunny references, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Condoms, Crack, Dorks in Love, Embarrassed Ushijima, Gay, Horrible planning, Hugging, Humor, I'M SHOOK, I'ts a fucking meme, M/M, Magnum - Freeform, Meme, Mutual Pining, Oikawa is an ass, Oops, Pining, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Rare Pairings, Romance, Volleyball, Waaaaakkuuuuun, i'm trash, this is the shit I bring to the table
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-11-14 21:45:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11216868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rootallica615/pseuds/Rootallica615
Summary: Oikawa pranks Ushijima by offering him some help confessing his affections for Tendou. Things don't go as planned. Or do they?





	I'm Just Gonna Leave This Here

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this on my lunch break at work because I couldn't stop thinking about it. Please laugh along with me cause I'm fucking dyin.
> 
> I'm improving my writing but golly gee it doesn't make an appearance in this fic I'll tell ya waht.

Ushijima sighed. They had just finished up a long day of practice with the players from Seijoh, and Ushijima had had about enough of Oikawa being, well, Oikawa. “Why are you so interested in helping me?” Apparently the snarky teen had found out about his quiet affections for a certain redhead. He had thought about confessing soon but not with how good of a friend Tendou had been to him recently. 

“Becaaaaaaause, it’s painfully obvious he wants in your pants too so just listen to me and it will all be fine.” Oikawa smirked and Ushijima deadpanned. 

“If you promise your plan will work I will think about trying it.” 

“See that wasn’t so hard! I’ll text you what you need to know and we’ll talk about it next week!” Oikawa waved and ran off to annoy Iwaizumi as the team departed. “Iwa-chaaaaan!” He jumped up to the other and whispered. “Poor Ushiwaka is having boy troubles and I’m going to be the one to play matchmaker.” He had on a devious smile. Iwaizumi gave him a horrified face.

“You better not do anything stupid Bakakawa!” He grabbed him by the scruff of his shirt and Oikawa whined.

“Iwa-chan is so mean! You don’t even trust me to help my friends!”

Ushijima walked away to get changed and maybe see if Tendou wanted to walk home together.

“What was all that about Wakatoshi-kun?” He felt a hand slap his back lightly and Tendou’s cheery form came up beside him.

“Nothing important, Oikawa being irritating as usual.” Tendou let out a whoop at that. Before Ushijima could say anything else Tendou came up in front of him.

“You wanna stop by that new noodle bar on the way home? I hear they’re pretty great! Quaint, yet modern!” Tendou had a finger lifted as he spoke and that same goofy smile on his face as he looked at Ushijima hopefully.

“Sure.” Ushijima would have blushed at how close their faces got but he reeled in his mind before it wandered and kept up his normal expression. Tendou’s step bounced as they headed to the locker rooms.

~

Why he had listened to Oikawa in the first place was a mystery. This was completely idiotic. Ushijima didn’t even understand why he needed to make the humiliating purchase at his neighborhood drug store when he hadn’t even confessed his feelings to Tendou yet. But he didn’t have any other plan to do just that and Oikawa seemed to know what he was talking about. He placed the box on the counter and refused any eye contact or necessary conversation with the clerk, and hoped he wasn’t an embarrassing shade of red. His jacket was smothering and he just wanted to take his bag and bolt out of the store before someone saw him. 

“Have a nice night!” Ushijima paused and looked at the clerk as he took his bag. He must be wearing a scary face on accident because the woman hadn’t cared about the purchase until he looked at her and backed off a bit.

“T-thanks.” He rushed out and wrapped the bag up to stick in his pocket and forget about until necessary.

~ 

“Ushiwaka I’m so proud of you! You actually bought them!” Oikawa looked like he was about to burst with laughter but refrained so he wouldn’t cause too much of a scene. Their weekly practice sessions caused them to interact more than Ushijima would have liked, but it helped to have a strong team to practice against. 

“Just tell me what I need to do so I can get it over with.” He had been mentally preparing for this moment for a while but now that the opportunity was in front of him he was beginning to have his doubts. Tendou was lingering by himself where his water bottle and their bags were, checking his phone boredly. 

“You put it in the side pocket of your bag right?” Ushijima nodded. “And the zipper is open?” He nodded again. “Good! Now when you go over there you jostle the bag a little,” Oikawa emphasized that with a nudge to Ushijima’s side, “and when it falls out you make sure he sees it and you tell him this…”

Ushijima wanted to be baffled but honestly, what did he expect. If it didn’t work or was too embarrassing he could play it off as a joke, and even blame it on Oikawa for setting him up, so he really didn’t have much to lose. He walked in what felt like slow motion over to where Tendou was standing. Satori was looking extra pretty as always, flushed at the neck from their practice and batting his long eyelashes when he looked up from his phone every now and then. Ushijima was always thankful they were around the same height so when they talked he had a perfect view. 

“Great job out there as usual, Wakatoshi-kun!”

“Thank you.” Ushijima leaned down to pick up his bag, eyeing the open side zipper and listening to his heart beat loud in his ears. He grabbed the strap on the opposite side so the weight would cause the bag to favor one side. A light slap hit the floor by their feet and Tendou turned to glance at what his friend had dropped. His eyes widened in great surprise, speechless for the first time in his life. Ushijima cleared his throat and awkwardly, yet bravely, looked Tendou straight in the face.

“Oops, I dropped my Monster condom that I use for my magnum dong.” The words fell out of his mouth and he steeled his face, not even able to reach down to pick up the offending item. Tendou’s jaw dropped comically and Ushijima could hear Oikawa guffawing in the background, struggling between laughs and cries of pain as Iwaizumi punished him for his prank. Tendou faltered and looked quickly between the condom and Ushijima’s red hot face. They stayed frozen like that for a minute and if anyone else was witnessing this moment they couldn’t tell. Tendou just stared. Ushijima wanted to be sucked into the floor. 

“Wa…” Tendou stuttered and his face reddened a little, but Ushijima was surprised when a huge smile followed by a laugh came out of his mouth. “Wakkun I thought you’d never ask!” He slung his arms around Ushijima’s stiff form and swooned. Ushijima let himself be smothered, not really understanding how the plan had worked. “Of all the pick-up tricks I thought you might use I never knew you were so bold!” Ushijima lifted his arms to put them around Tendou as he continued talking much too quickly, and looked over at Oikawa and some of his other stunned teammates. Oikawa’s surprised expression slowly turned sour and Iwaizumi just smirked next to him. 

“That’s what you get for being an ass.”


End file.
